Words . . .

I love you - I will do anything in my power to make sure that you're happy.

I hate you - I have done everything in my power to make sure you are happy but you,you betrayed me, embarrassed me and humiliated me.


I miss you - I have done everything in my power to forget you, I have pretended that you don't exist nor have I  met you. I have erased everything that links me to you BUT I FAILED.


I care about you - I will do everything that I can to protect you, I'm interested in your progress and your well being.



Words are just letters put together by an ancient individual. Saying them out loud and repeatedly is something but giving significant and meaning to them is something else.


Words are the only thing that you cannot erase from a person's brain when you have uttered them. Words can build or completely crush a person.  CHOOSE YOUR WORDS,WISELY!

Photo : Qhama Nokwali

All she ever wanted...

6am and the sun was already shining,hitting through the windows like it was noon. It was a sign, it was a sign that indeed it's going to be a great day.

Unlike other mornings, jumped out of bed,already singing her favorite songs. Unbothered,washing her little body in a washing basin with water equivalent to a coffee mug. She then wears her green and white uniform,not forgetting her jersey that had torned elbows because she liked being presentable.

Her everyday 5km walk from her aunt's place to school felt like 400m walk at football field. Things didn't make sense, she was just happy.

Halfway through her beautiful day at school she got a message from her teacher,saying her mother is coming back today. It was that moment when her heart skipped,goosebumps all over her body. She had a feeling that she couldn't explain,the feeling a mother gets when holdings her baby for the first time. The little girl couldn't help but cry,she was so happy that all she could do at that moment was cry.

All the sums she had to add, grammar she had to fix and sentences she had to construct left unattended because all that was on her mind while in class was the smile,scent and the touch of her mother.

Her mother that she last saw 6 months ago when she( mom) went to work for her sister(aunt) as a helper.

The sound of the bell,to her,had a different meaning that day. She didn't wait for any instructions,she quickly packed her books into her school bag and ran straight out of class approaching the school gate. She ran all the way to her aunts place.

Words got lost as she tried to explain what happened,her eyes sparkled with anticipation. Her aunt was stunned by news but didn't question because they've been waiting for this day.

Packing her little bag, leaving her aunts house. Going back to a place where she calls home. She could see the storm approaching but that didn't stop her from walking 6,5km ,anything to get home. Thunder and lightning striking as she hasten through the grass that's as long as her height.

From a distance,she could see the house that had 4 rooms but only one room belonged to her,she could see the place she called home, a place where she had too many "uncles" that shared the house with her. To her that's where she found sanity.

She enters the house like she has been pushed by an angry man,running to her mother's room, but no one answered. Not what she expected but that didn't kill her spirit as she knew that her mom was probably on her way.

Second after second looking through the window, minutes then hours,no sign of her mom. Stomach started to groan, eyes became heavy but no, she could not sleep because she had to see mom and she knew,she was going to bring food.

5pm...5:30pm...6pm..6:30pm... it was now 7pm, "should I wait a little longer" ... "she's probably just 5 minutes away" .."should I go back to my aunt's"..."it's already dark and it's raining" ... Thought ran through her little mind.

She accidentally fell asleep on the bed still wearing her green and white uniform.

It's now the late hours of the night,she felt a hand on one of her thighs,the hand was a bit hard and rough but that didn't matter because the woman she was waiting for FINALLY ARRIVED. Her heart skipped a bit,smile on her face as she slowly opened her eyes, IT WAS UNCLE. Sudden change, face full of disappointment but what could uncle possibly want at this time?

Before she could even ask,uncle started touching her in awkward places,she couldn't understand much,she was young,but she knew it was wrong. It was painful,it was sad but then it was uncle after all.

As uncle left the room she sat there crying,she couldn't go back to sleep,she was confused,she was angry and she was lonely. All she wanted was to see her mother. She just sat there 'till the morning sun rose again. She  stood up and went to school.

Since yesterday,no food,same clothes,different girl and a different day.

All she ever wanted was to see her mom, she was nine years old and she is Black.



Photo : Cyncynea
Instagram ; cynea

It only took one day . . .

From a life of pizza's,burgers and cakes to a life where she took her porridge with jam because they couldn't afford sugar. A life where pap crust and soup became her supper. A life where feeding scheme peanut butter became her everyday after school snack.

From a life of having her own room to a life where she had to share one room with more than eight people. A room that turns into a bathroom in the morning,a lounge during the day, a kitchen in the afternoon and a bedroom of eight plus people at night.

A life where night time became a horror because she knew the minute lights went off an army of cockroaches will start crawling out from their hiding while she pretends to be asleep. She can still hear the sounds of cockroaches flying right on top of her head from one wall to another.

From a life where she had a collection of Disney princess dvd's, a life of Bunny,Dora's, tablets and a life of bedtime stories. To a life where she even forgot what that a tv exist. A life where the only time she saw or used a phone was when she and her friend illegally called the police on Telkom public phones.

From a life of Pampers, Purity and Cerelac to a life where her little brother had to wait a few more minutes in order for his "cloth" nappy to be changed because there weren't enough. She had to witness a life where her mom had to boil fruit so that her  little brother could at least experience the closest thing to Purity.

Was it her fault though? That her father was a drinking,cheating bastard that abused her mother that she couldn't stay any longer? No, it wasn't.

Was it her fault though??? ..  It was never her fault,she had to live with that. She had to adapt and learn that life can change in a blink of an eye. She had to be strong for herself, her sibling and her mom. Her mom had to change scenery and she had to adapt. . .After all, she is Black and she was only eight years old ...

Photo : Qhama Nokwali

Contentment

Isn't it amazing that a bird can build it's nest in just a branch of a tree and still survive when there's a storm?

Isn't it breathtaking that an ocean knows where to stop?

Isn't it  astonishing that a woman's womb can carry a living human for nine months,a human growing inside another human being?

Isn't it startling that one sperm can fertilize two eggs all at once?

See? There are so many things that don't make sense but we have accepted,we don't even question most of them because they're just part of us.

Same applies to our own personal lives, we  are filled with "why me's" and "why not's".  We constantly want change who we are. "I want her legs," she says ... "I want his eyes," he says. Hear me clearly there's nothing wrong admiring someone else's features but don't change who you are to be just like someone else. Don't lose yourself,be content with yourself, love yourself and most importantly ACCEPT YOUR FLAWS.



Photo by : Qhama Nokwali

I took this photo on my way to work this morning. So much greatness here. It's two flowers blossoming at the same time, from the same seed. Its like twin flowers. Hahah ❤😊

Three years later ...

In life there are things you can do away with and there are things that you just can't, words written has to be one of those you definitely cannot.

It's been almost three years since I came into my closet,trying to figure life and experience new different things. I learned, I played, I laughed, I fell, I cried, I loved and I've hated. Does that mean I can now say "I know life?," not even. I'm now 22 years and I'm in at a stage where pursuing a career is more important than trying to fit in a certain group of friends. Am I old enough not to make mistakes? No I'm not.

I took this picture below on a lazy Sunday afternoon. As I was standing at the front door of my mother's house, reflecting on myself,my past and my future. A question popped up, "will I ever finish this journey?" Then I quickly looked at the sky and I replied " can you see what's on the other side of the sky?, no but have you ever doubted that the sky exist?,no then you will accomplish what you want to accomplish,just believe".

Photo by : Qhama Nokwali