Words . . .

I love you - I will do anything in my power to make sure that you're happy.

I hate you - I have done everything in my power to make sure you are happy but you,you betrayed me, embarrassed me and humiliated me.


I miss you - I have done everything in my power to forget you, I have pretended that you don't exist nor have I  met you. I have erased everything that links me to you BUT I FAILED.


I care about you - I will do everything that I can to protect you, I'm interested in your progress and your well being.



Words are just letters put together by an ancient individual. Saying them out loud and repeatedly is something but giving significant and meaning to them is something else.


Words are the only thing that you cannot erase from a person's brain when you have uttered them. Words can build or completely crush a person.  CHOOSE YOUR WORDS,WISELY!

Photo : Qhama Nokwali

All she ever wanted...

6am and the sun was already shining,hitting through the windows like it was noon. It was a sign, it was a sign that indeed it's going to be a great day.

Unlike other mornings, jumped out of bed,already singing her favorite songs. Unbothered,washing her little body in a washing basin with water equivalent to a coffee mug. She then wears her green and white uniform,not forgetting her jersey that had torned elbows because she liked being presentable.

Her everyday 5km walk from her aunt's place to school felt like 400m walk at football field. Things didn't make sense, she was just happy.

Halfway through her beautiful day at school she got a message from her teacher,saying her mother is coming back today. It was that moment when her heart skipped,goosebumps all over her body. She had a feeling that she couldn't explain,the feeling a mother gets when holdings her baby for the first time. The little girl couldn't help but cry,she was so happy that all she could do at that moment was cry.

All the sums she had to add, grammar she had to fix and sentences she had to construct left unattended because all that was on her mind while in class was the smile,scent and the touch of her mother.

Her mother that she last saw 6 months ago when she( mom) went to work for her sister(aunt) as a helper.

The sound of the bell,to her,had a different meaning that day. She didn't wait for any instructions,she quickly packed her books into her school bag and ran straight out of class approaching the school gate. She ran all the way to her aunts place.

Words got lost as she tried to explain what happened,her eyes sparkled with anticipation. Her aunt was stunned by news but didn't question because they've been waiting for this day.

Packing her little bag, leaving her aunts house. Going back to a place where she calls home. She could see the storm approaching but that didn't stop her from walking 6,5km ,anything to get home. Thunder and lightning striking as she hasten through the grass that's as long as her height.

From a distance,she could see the house that had 4 rooms but only one room belonged to her,she could see the place she called home, a place where she had too many "uncles" that shared the house with her. To her that's where she found sanity.

She enters the house like she has been pushed by an angry man,running to her mother's room, but no one answered. Not what she expected but that didn't kill her spirit as she knew that her mom was probably on her way.

Second after second looking through the window, minutes then hours,no sign of her mom. Stomach started to groan, eyes became heavy but no, she could not sleep because she had to see mom and she knew,she was going to bring food.

5pm...5:30pm...6pm..6:30pm... it was now 7pm, "should I wait a little longer" ... "she's probably just 5 minutes away" .."should I go back to my aunt's"..."it's already dark and it's raining" ... Thought ran through her little mind.

She accidentally fell asleep on the bed still wearing her green and white uniform.

It's now the late hours of the night,she felt a hand on one of her thighs,the hand was a bit hard and rough but that didn't matter because the woman she was waiting for FINALLY ARRIVED. Her heart skipped a bit,smile on her face as she slowly opened her eyes, IT WAS UNCLE. Sudden change, face full of disappointment but what could uncle possibly want at this time?

Before she could even ask,uncle started touching her in awkward places,she couldn't understand much,she was young,but she knew it was wrong. It was painful,it was sad but then it was uncle after all.

As uncle left the room she sat there crying,she couldn't go back to sleep,she was confused,she was angry and she was lonely. All she wanted was to see her mother. She just sat there 'till the morning sun rose again. She  stood up and went to school.

Since yesterday,no food,same clothes,different girl and a different day.

All she ever wanted was to see her mom, she was nine years old and she is Black.



Photo : Cyncynea
Instagram ; cynea

It only took one day . . .

From a life of pizza's,burgers and cakes to a life where she took her porridge with jam because they couldn't afford sugar. A life where pap crust and soup became her supper. A life where feeding scheme peanut butter became her everyday after school snack.

From a life of having her own room to a life where she had to share one room with more than eight people. A room that turns into a bathroom in the morning,a lounge during the day, a kitchen in the afternoon and a bedroom of eight plus people at night.

A life where night time became a horror because she knew the minute lights went off an army of cockroaches will start crawling out from their hiding while she pretends to be asleep. She can still hear the sounds of cockroaches flying right on top of her head from one wall to another.

From a life where she had a collection of Disney princess dvd's, a life of Bunny,Dora's, tablets and a life of bedtime stories. To a life where she even forgot what that a tv exist. A life where the only time she saw or used a phone was when she and her friend illegally called the police on Telkom public phones.

From a life of Pampers, Purity and Cerelac to a life where her little brother had to wait a few more minutes in order for his "cloth" nappy to be changed because there weren't enough. She had to witness a life where her mom had to boil fruit so that her  little brother could at least experience the closest thing to Purity.

Was it her fault though? That her father was a drinking,cheating bastard that abused her mother that she couldn't stay any longer? No, it wasn't.

Was it her fault though??? ..  It was never her fault,she had to live with that. She had to adapt and learn that life can change in a blink of an eye. She had to be strong for herself, her sibling and her mom. Her mom had to change scenery and she had to adapt. . .After all, she is Black and she was only eight years old ...

Photo : Qhama Nokwali

Contentment

Isn't it amazing that a bird can build it's nest in just a branch of a tree and still survive when there's a storm?

Isn't it breathtaking that an ocean knows where to stop?

Isn't it  astonishing that a woman's womb can carry a living human for nine months,a human growing inside another human being?

Isn't it startling that one sperm can fertilize two eggs all at once?

See? There are so many things that don't make sense but we have accepted,we don't even question most of them because they're just part of us.

Same applies to our own personal lives, we  are filled with "why me's" and "why not's".  We constantly want change who we are. "I want her legs," she says ... "I want his eyes," he says. Hear me clearly there's nothing wrong admiring someone else's features but don't change who you are to be just like someone else. Don't lose yourself,be content with yourself, love yourself and most importantly ACCEPT YOUR FLAWS.



Photo by : Qhama Nokwali

I took this photo on my way to work this morning. So much greatness here. It's two flowers blossoming at the same time, from the same seed. Its like twin flowers. Hahah ❤😊

Three years later ...

In life there are things you can do away with and there are things that you just can't, words written has to be one of those you definitely cannot.

It's been almost three years since I came into my closet,trying to figure life and experience new different things. I learned, I played, I laughed, I fell, I cried, I loved and I've hated. Does that mean I can now say "I know life?," not even. I'm now 22 years and I'm in at a stage where pursuing a career is more important than trying to fit in a certain group of friends. Am I old enough not to make mistakes? No I'm not.

I took this picture below on a lazy Sunday afternoon. As I was standing at the front door of my mother's house, reflecting on myself,my past and my future. A question popped up, "will I ever finish this journey?" Then I quickly looked at the sky and I replied " can you see what's on the other side of the sky?, no but have you ever doubted that the sky exist?,no then you will accomplish what you want to accomplish,just believe".

Photo by : Qhama Nokwali


Hey family . .  Yess Family  :)  Today I’m not  going to  say much because I’m kind of caught up in a lot of things, but I just had to pass by here first. . I just can’t not come pay a visit to my closet.  . . . So I went to church this past Sunday . . as usual . .. well uhm YES AS USUAL  . . . It got me thinking and while I was busy conversing with myself it hit me that most people INCLUDING MY AUNT have the tendency of expecting people who go to church to dress in a certain manner . .  yes there are ways in which are known or considered to be inappropriate for church but then people tend to expect you to look dull and boring. Now tell me how the hell are you going to be able to attract people,especially youth  into going to church while you give them the impression that “you need to look dull for church”??  Seriously think about it .Well, in this lil mind of mine there’s a whole lot of different opinion about that . .I believe that you can look fashionable and yet still be appropriate for a church service.

oooh shoot me for being Awesome lol . . . this is how I looked this past Sunday .. sizzling hot I know hahah!!  . .. this is what I was talking about, you don’t have to be necessarily dull to be appropriate  for church . .  just a simple pencil skirt with a top of your choice, heels then accessorize. . You can even add a blazer on to it when you feel there’s a need for it. If you feel you’re not in the mood for heels then  you can wear pumps or sandals but I’d advise you to wear heels,they look much better with pencil skirt. Even my Aunt approved this one, I suppose I’m now her favorite niece :).

Look at her . .. she is way too proper, I have no words .. . . Please allow me to be rhetorical for a moment here, does this seem inappropriate to you ???  okay . . does this seem dull to you ?? NOPE ! NEVER!  in a million years. Just a simple short “enough” dress with a pair of heels,there you have it. . You don’t have to stress and sweat thinking about what you should wear to church, you have all the things there in front of you.. you just have to be open minded that’s all.

THE “SHELF”

I can’t leave without sharing this with you guys ..  Last Thursday was my friend’s and her sister’s birthday party ,Zipho Jho. Things were a bit  different from the usual birthday celebrations . The guests that include me of course and and Zipho and her sister Athi went for a photoshoot at Nahoon, Mr Mark Fredericks being the photographer .We changed into two attires ,one being in shorts,white tops and chucks the other being white dress and chucks.  The photoshoot was the most exciting part of the day I have to admit, I met different souls MY GOD!! Athi’s friends and herself, you’d swear we were the ones on our late twenties there .. those ladies sure know how to be young lol. . The funny part was that Athi and Zipho I two different souls .. Zipho is the reserved one and My God Athi is the loud one.. you’d swear Zipho is the older one hahah!! I had a lot of fun with them though. . . After the photoshoot we then went to hemingways mall to continue with the celebrations. .

Zipho and Athi

Zipho's Friends

The day

Photos : Mr Mark Fredericks

• Hellow closet diggers . . . so I went to a photo shoot for Ace models a couple of weeks ago .. each person was required to bring clothing items that describes a  random summer day . . and WOW the girls nailed it I tell you . . . from shorts to bum shorts, floral short jumpsuits , crop tops, boyfriend jeans etc . .As i was standing there watching the girls dressing up  I noticed something, this summer is going to be the best dressed summer ever. .  yes the girls have different type of styles but what i noticed was that they follow the same trend  . ..  If you want to join the trendy train I’d suggest you to at least have shorts in your closet,however  make sure they fit you well and you’re comfortable in them . . you don’t have to wear bum shorts just because everyone in your block or circle has them. . you can just own a pair of shorts and still look sizzling hot . .  Another thing you should take note of is a jump suit . . .  Jumpsuits are the new black I tell you , you know what I love about them is the fact that they look good on everyone. .  be it be short or long,if you chose the right size . . you’ll be every girl’s enemy . . hahah! yes enemy . .  you know us girls and hating. .  if she’s hotter than you ,she’s your enemy . . to sum everything up, don’t ever leave your house without a pair of shades . . NEVER!

• And so after the “casual summer wear” . . we were then requested to change into “formal evening wear” . . Remember now , it’s summer so we weren't expected to wear long ball dresses. .  be formal but still look at a bit chilled . ..  You know what I love about models, they know exactly what suits them well   . . . the ladies went straight to short cocktail dresses . .  If you have an eye for fashion you’ll definitely agree with the fact that cocktail dress gives you that formal,”uptight serious” look and that casual “I wanna play” kinda look at the same time. now I love flexible items . . you can either wear them to an award ceremony and yet still  wear them to a 21st or 40th  birthday party. .  ..  and of course bodycon dresses, there’s not much to say about them other than they’re are just PERFECT! yeahh no words. ..  Lastly, I know this is a female closet but lets face it we sometimes need the male figure,especially when it involves being formal.. in most cases events that requires us to wear formal clothing also requires a date . . am I telling the truth?. . . or am I telling the truth? hahah :) . . for guys it just a matter of losing the jacket or wearing a short sleeve shirt then they’re covered.

“THE SHELF”

• okay now this has nothing to do with the photo shoot I went to . . This is a photo that I randomly took from the street, I JUST had to  . . . this girl right here made my day . .  i just couldn't stop looking at her . . that white long dress and gold accessories made her look like an angel . . .  till next time